Monday, May 3, 2010

A Lesson in Trust

This weekend was a time to ponder the word trust in a big way!!  OK, not lying when I say the Knight and I have had our fair share of issues lately (the past few months)!  There are times when I thought about leaving but didn't!  I am not saying I should or shouldn't leave because I know that a marriage is hard work and lots of hard work at that!  Let's just say his issues (old demons) are taking over his life again and he is forgetting everything he once said was important to him!  We are working through it and it is NOT easy!

So this lesson in trust came to me while we were out on our maiden voyage on the motorcycle on Saturday!  It occurred when the Knight said to me, "You know the only thing between us and death right now is my welds."  He made new bars for the bike!  Wow, he was right!  For a moment I was taken aback and then I realized that I had already placed my life in his hands when I chose to get on the back of the bike with him!  He was in total control and I had absolutely none!  If he made one wrong move I could be injured or killed!  Needless to say, the first 30 miles were a little nerve wracking for me but by the second 30, I relaxed and put my trust in my husband!  He is a superb welder and an awesome rider (since he was little) so the only thing I had to really worry about was the people who do not pay attention when they drive!  Like the lady who almost turned in front of us on a busy street!  She saw us but it was almost too late!  Thank goodness for the Knight's riding skill because a less skilled rider would have laid that 800 pound bike down and gotten hurt or worse!

Letting go of the control in this situation is not easy but it is a lesson I dearly needed!  I needed it to reinforce the fact that I am not really in control of anything in this life and I cannot help or save anyone else from themselves!  My new thinking has lifted a huge weight off of me!  I know that I am not responsible for the decisions that some one else makes and I cannot save them from the consequences of their actions!  From now on all I can do is pray and let the chips fall where they may!  I will continue to work on my marriage as long as the Knight continues to work at it also!  Reevaluation will come later and then if things are not right some tough decisions may need to be made but for now we will "stay the course" and hopefully have many more great rides together!


Lenox Knits said...

Those are some seriously deep thoughts for a monday morning. Trusting in our partners is such a powerful and sometimes difficult process. I appreciate your analogy with the bike.

Jenera said...

I think there must be something in the air. The last 6 months have been rough for me and my husband as well. And I can think of two other couples going through struggles. It's tough going at times.

I am Harriet said...

What a wonderful post!


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